Morty's waifu
by HookahSocialism
Summary: Morty has an anime pillow waifu fetish and Rick has to snap him out of it. Or does he?


Rick is working on some invention in the garage and Summer runs up.

"Rick! You gotta do something! Morty is really getting into this anime crap."

"So (belch) what Summer? Some anime is actually pretty cool. Especially before all that trap and moe shit... Hell I like jrpgs and candy crush puzzles. Helps stimulate the old people noggin where neurons stop flashing on their own."

"No grandpa I mean REAAALLY into it. He's got posters up on the wall, he's wearing some stupid Naruto headband."

Morty stands there by the door with an anime pillow and says "Hey uhhh Rick. Me and Card Captor Sakura are going to the park. If we're not back by dinner tell mom not to worry."

"Ok Morty..." Rick waves not even paying attention continuing on his invention.

As Morty leaves Summer continues.

"And that! Rick he's jerking off on that crusty anime pillow and calling it his girlfriend! It's sick!"

"Summer...all relationships are sick and delusional. (belch) Maybe if you had a penis and spent a few hours a day every day messaging dumb broads like yourself to no avail and ended up masturbating to romanticized versions of a feminine woman ANYWAY you'd cut out the middle man too and just jack it to a soft pillow of a face you like seeing your cum all over. Its whatever Summer. I hope he pulls out his dick at that park and exposes some girl scouts to it or something."

"But...But..."

"You're not going to win this one Summer. Life is full of meaningless coping mechanisms anyway. Maybe if your gender wasn"t full of cunts and manipupative parasites the coping mechanisms would develop into more presentable and charming delusions you could live with. Now if you're going to keep bothering me at least make yourself useful and hand me that wrench over there."

Summer fusses but hands Rick the wrench anyway.

"Wow...that was just straight up misogynist Rick."

"But not wrong. And when you get right down to it better to be right than wrong. Happiness is fleeting."

Rick puts down the wrench to take a long drink of his flask on the desk. Summer just leaves disgruntled and tries to go to Beth about it. Rick looks up for a moment.

"Oh she's probably gonna try the female shame tactic now... whatever."

He goes back to building. When Morty gets homr laughing at his own jokes with his anime pillow Jerry, Beth, and Summer are all there.

"Wha...whats all this?"

Beth speaks first.

"Morty we...are concerned about you."

Jerry yells

"Anime isn't real kiddo! Those girls look like they're twelve! I mean the fact you're not far from twelve and even if you weren't it's not like you can commit statutory rape against a cartoon doesn't mean...I should have thought this through."

"Jerry let me handle this."

"See you guys? It...its this stuff right here that gives none of you all room to talk about me and Sakura's love! Mom you lie to yourself everyday about why you're with dad. You say you love him bu...but you're vicious to him! You're always talking down to him. As if he isn't insecure enough on his own! But the thought of change scares you. You have a comfortable life, a comfortable relationship. You're not happy but you don't wanna risk losing out on what you have.

Summer...you tell yourself every day if you just wear a cuter tank top or lose ten pounds suddenly boys are gonna like you. Boys who could get way prettier girls than you. I got news for you Summer...the kinda boys you want don't want you. The kinda boys who would want you you don't want. So you're either gonna end up like mom lowering your standards, or you're going to end up some slut all the cool guys pawn off on their fat nerd friend.

And you dad...I love you. I want so much more for you than all of this. But you are even more pathetic than these two. You let everyone walk all over you from your job to your home life. You dont even have a comfort zone and cant even masturbate in peace like me! Eventually when mom either leaves or dies you'll...you'll sink into a depression and either off yourself or just end up doing what Im doing now only five times more expensively hanging out all day at bars and clubs just to be treated like shit all over again!"

Beth shakes her head.

"I...go to your room Morty! Jesus what a sassy little bitch."

"He gets that from your father."

"Thats whose fault this really is isn't it? Morty is young and impressionable. He sees Rick's ambivalence as cool and edgy. It justifies his perversions and social awkwardness. Morty's gonna grow up to be a serial killer and Rick is just standing by and letting it happen!"

They all storm into the garage and can't find Rick. Just that metal sphere thing he was tinkering with.

"Did he...leave?" Beth says.

"He cant have gone far the car is still there."

"DAD Rick has a portal gun. He could literally be anywhere."

"Including right here (belch!) faggots! Haha!"

The sphere hovers and tackles Beth in the forehead. "Ow!" than tackles Summer "Quit it grandpa!"

Jerry leaps onto the sphere and it flies around the garage making parts and tools fall from the shelves as Jerry screams and falls off. Than the sphere bashes Jerry right in the stomach. "Oomph!"

"Ok we get it dad...you turned yourself into some little robot thing and thats really cool...but you gotta talk to Morty!"

The sphere turns around and its light in the front blinks as Rick talks.

"I dont (belch) gotta do anything Beth. And neither does Morty. Jacking off to cute anime girls is how he spends his time away from the agony. Implanting my conscioussness into a perfect sphere automotron is just one of infinite ways I spend mind..."

He tackles Beth in the chest and she coughs and falls to her knees.

"Gross...I just touched my daughters saggy tatas. I felt that too...I gotta adjust some settings."

Summer yells at the robot.

"So you're literally just gonna let this continue and spend all day playing around in your little robot body?!"

"That...that was kind of my plan yeah."

"Can I be one?"

Jerry crawls toward the robot.

"Yeah Rick...comeon. I never get anything. Make me some kind of Beyblade looking robot thing too!"

"Are you two serious right now?!"

Rick turns to Beth.

"Do you want Morty to stop making God cry Beth?"

Beth sighs. "Ok do it..."

Latet that day all four of them are torturing the entire neighborhood tackling people's dogs, shooting plasma rays at joggers, Jerry is at the office just spinning around in his boss's chair laughing as his boss is hudled in a corner scared out of his mind and they all say "Let it RIIIICKKK!!!"

Beth just huffs than raises his arm half assed looking to the side in depression making a Lenin ball fist. "Let it Rick..."


End file.
